Are we truly in love with our suffering?
There is no cure for the one who is in love with his disease. - Ali bin Abi Taleb
This quote, which I read several years ago, still resonates deeply with me. Reflecting on this profound statement, I often ponder its truth: How can a prisoner be in love with his prison? How can the most intelligent creature created on earth cling to his suffering?
This truth may seem obvious, but as my teacher Pal Pandian puts it, “the most obvious is the most elusive.”
Are we truly in love with our prison? It seems that our mind finds solace in creating an identity for itself, deriving some twisted pleasure from this attachment. Yet, for every pleasure, there stands an equivalent suffering. It appears we cannot choose one without choosing the other, and our mind can only play in this playground of duality. For the mind to transcend this playground, the game must end.
Since our youth, we've been taught how to be thieves, chasing the pleasure that life offers while evading its suffering. Like many fools, I've played this game time and time again, only to find it futile.
Over the years, I've witnessed countless individuals come and go, each playing the same game in the same playground. Sadly, I've never seen anyone dare to break free from the game they're expected to play.
Reflecting on all this, I feel as if we are mere machines programmed to perform mechanical tasks within a predetermined lifetime. Do we truly have a choice in all this? This self-reflection led me to delve deeper into the rules of this game, where I discovered that our desires are its driving force. Is it possible for us to break free from the shackles of duality if we remain enslaved by our desires? Is it possible to live without desires? Is it possible to appreciate the beauty of a flower without feeling the urge to possess it? Is love without attachment a mere theoretical euphoric concept, or could it be an organic reality? I often ponder “Do we truly own anything?”
How foolish a man is , unable to even possess a single breath, yet relentlessly striving to grasp and control everything within reach.
During our recent MM workshop, my teacher Palpandian frequently emphasized the term "non-grasping." Could it be that my unexplained turmoil and anxiety stem from my reluctance to let go? Why is it so difficult to “let go”? Despite reading numerous books on the topic and intellectually grasping their content, why do I still find myself clinging? Why do I continue to strive for control and worry about the image I project about myself ? These questions have tormented me for years. Why does the intellectual understanding I've gained not immediately translate into an organic reality? Am I in love with the mental veils I've constructed, which separate me from the natural flow of existence? Am I afraid to let go of the image I've crafted for myself? Why does Grace shake me fiercely to awaken, yet I still find comfort in deep slumber?
Sai Baba provided a simple yet potent cure for all this: faith and patience. These two qualities are two sides of the same coin.
In the past, I used to believe that I could acquire this coin through my efforts, but the illusion was gently shattered in Tiruvanamalai by my beloved master Palpandian. Non-grasping with every exhalation is akin to attempting to move a mountain with a small spoon. It is an act of faith and patience, but above all, it is a pulsation of Grace. It is a journey to the land of Truth. However, as Krishnamurti puts it: "Truth is a pathless land." It cannot be found by following any religion, doctrine, or ideology. It's a personal journey of experiential self-discovery.