Who Betrays Whom?!
“He who thinks he is the doer is also the sufferer.” - Ramana Maharshi
This statement by Ramana Maharshi really struck me and opened my eyes to a different way of thinking. It’s intriguing how the concept of doer-ship is so ingrained in our culture. We’re often taught that our happiness comes from our efforts and achievements, and I’ve realized how this mindset can shape our lives. While I can’t claim to fully grasp the depth of Ramana’s insight, I’ve been fortunate to gain some understanding through the guidance of Siddhas during my MM workshops. I still feel like I’m just scratching the surface, but it feels significant.
Harmony with the Tao
Ramana Maharshi’s insights on doer-ship naturally align with the essence of Taoism. In exploring this dimension, I am reminded of the teachings of Lao Tzu, one of the early Siddhas of the Far East, who introduced a profound experiential way of understanding life, now known as Taoism. It emphasizes living in harmony with the Tao, which is the universal flow that underlies all of existence. The concept of the Tao can be “tricky”, often described as “the way” or “the path. One of the key principles in Taoism is wu wei, or ‘effortless action.’ It’s not about being passive; rather, it’s about experiencing a deep alignment with the natural flow of life in a tangible, lived way. It’s an active, intuitive participation with life’s rhythm, allowing us to move in harmony with events as they unfold, without force or resistance.
I find it fascinating to consider how our main goal might be to tune into this flow rather than push against it. We could think of ourselves as flutes through which the Tao expresses its melodies. The more in sync we are with this flow, the more beautiful the music we create together. Yet, I’ve noticed that when we cling too tightly to our identities or accomplishments, we often create friction, turning what could be a lovely melody into a clashing noise.
In this light, claiming credit for what comes through us feels a bit like stealing. It’s like taking something that was never really ours in the first place. So, perhaps humility is about recognizing the grace we receive rather than hoarding it for ourselves.
Returning to the title “Who Betrays Whom?”, I’ve reflected on the root of betrayal. It often stems from unmet expectations in relationships—when we invest energy and trust, only to feel disappointed when it’s not reciprocated. At a deeper level, I realize a part of me seeks validation from others. By letting go of the need for recognition, I wonder if I could free myself from the sting of betrayal.
Perception vs. Reality: Understanding Our Filters
We often don’t see each other clearly, perceiving reality through the filter of our emotions and thoughts. The key is recognizing that our perceptions are our responsibility, not others’. Both the betrayed and the betrayer share responsibility, though in different measures. Viewing others through extremes—either positivity or negativity—disconnects us from reality, highlighting how our egos color our perceptions.
This reminds me of Michael Bolton’s song “When a Man Loves a Woman”, where he sings:
“When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothin' else
He'd trade the world
For a good thing he's found
If she is bad, he can't see it
She can do no wrong.”
It reflects how deep emotions can cloud our vision, blinding us to reality, just as our egos and emotions distort our perceptions of others.
In contemplating betrayal and forgiveness, I’m reminded of a quote from Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. He suggests that “Forgiveness comes much easier when you realize that the actions of others were about them and their suffering.” This perspective resonates with me; it helps to see that sometimes people act from their own place of confusion or pain.
Mind Traps and Grounding Antidotes: Lessons from Pal Pandian
Life is rarely predictable; it often presents us with unexpected challenges. As my Siddha teacher, Pal Pandian, wisely says, “Siddhas are beings of Nature. Their wilderness is not a jungle with wild animals, but the unpredictable flow of life itself, which we must learn to navigate.”
In his recent lecture in Dubai, Pal Pandian highlighted how life continuously pushes us beyond our comfort zones, challenging us to deepen our awareness. Betrayal, for instance, is one such challenge. Pal explained that people typically respond in two ways: either by suppressing their emotions, leading to unresolved trauma that may manifest as illness, or by reacting with anger, resentment, and friction with life’s circumstances.
Before resorting to either of these paths, he advises the importance of grounding. He differentiates between relying on our innate organic intelligence and relying solely on analytical thinking. The more grounded we are, the clearer our responses become. We can then walk away from a situation without carrying emotional scars, breaking the habitual pattern of suppression. Alternatively, we can express ourselves consciously, guided by our innate wisdom, leaving no lasting mark on our psyche.
Pal Pandian emphasized that grounding is key to gaining clarity and enables us to perceive life with a childlike purity, free from past conditioning. This perspective is aligned with Shunryu Suzuki’s words: “In the beginner’s mind, there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind, there are few.” When grounded, we approach situations like betrayal with a fresh perspective, open to all possibilities, rather than reacting from a conditioned mindset. This clarity guides us to respond appropriately, without carrying the weight of the past.
Such an innocent, unburdened perception arises from genuine grounding, freeing us from mental traps. Pal Pandian refers to this quality as adaptability, a vital force for transformation.
In this context, true love embodies seeing others as they are and accepting them without conditions—an essential message echoed by Jesus and many other enlightened beings.
The Solution: Bridging the Gap Between Theory and Practice
“Weaving together various threads—the non-doership taught by Ramana Maharshi, the effortless alignment with the Tao, and the importance of grounding as emphasized by Pal Pandian—we recognize that the more grounded we are, the more we align with the Tao or the natural flow of life, and the less we act from a state of doership.
Pal Pandian goes beyond mere theoretical understanding, offering daily grounding Siddha practices that deepen over time. From this grounded state, we tap into our innate organic intelligence, gaining clarity in our responses to life’s challenges. Crucially, these responses arise without doership or conflict with life’s flow; they harmonize with it. As a result, these actions leave no residue on our psyche, keeping us as innocent and unburdened as children. This adaptability, as Pal Pandian calls it, drives quantum transformation.
Pal Pandian further elaborates that grounding is a journey, not a one-time event. The more we deepen our grounding, the closer we become to our innate intelligence, which naturally dismantles our psychological conditioning. This journey is a significant milestone toward transcending even our existential conditioning as human beings. It involves both vertical practices for personal growth and horizontal interactions with our surroundings, necessitating continuous self-audit.
The extent to which we are grounded determines how much we rely on our organic intelligence rather than mental analysis. This process of grounding, supported by regular practices and regular self-audit, is key to harmonizing with the flow of life and moving beyond doership.”
Embracing the Learning Curve
In concluding my reflections, I recognize that I am still on a journey to understand life with all its complexities, striving to weave them into the fabric of my life. I see that between an intellectual grasp of the deep suffering caused by betrayal and the organic, practical experience of these teachings lies a bridge I must cross by deepening my faith and cultivating patience. In moments of truth, I often feel like a child crawling across this bridge, hopeful that one day I will find the strength to fully cross it. As I share these thoughts, I sincerely hope they resonate with your own experiences or spark some reflections along your journey. It’s through the vulnerability of discussing our suppressed feelings—especially those related to betrayal—that we can truly connect and heal together.