A man that was a tyrant to many. A man that ruined aspects of my life. A man that borrowed with no intention of returning huge sums from family and friends. I walk with this man on his way home.
The paradoxes of life are so obvious once we learn to see them in a different light. The opportunity to learn is a gift. Seemingly unfortunate occurrences bring blessings if we remain open to them.
The question I ask myself is this. Would I still be so forgiving if I did not involve myself in the journey to India and learning this sacred Minimalisic Movement practice? I do not know. Would I be this patient with my father suffering from Dementia and others around me? How could I know. I do know that I am so grateful for the ever so slowly unfolding of peace I have experienced. The ability to drop anger or sadness more easily and find my balance is vital.The speed of this change of perception has been so slow it’s almost imperceptible. Learning to be with myself, in all aspects, this is what I practice. This is why I practice.
And so, I walk with my father a few times a week. We walk downtown. We walk to the Pier. The conversation is mostly about politics which do not interest me, but I just listen to him speak for hours about anything he wants to discuss. It is in no way a two sided conversation, but that is also my fault. I could force the topic to something else. I just don’t care enough. I am tired. But the point is, I am showing up. In time, I soon realize something is off with him. He is repeating himself a lot. He is forgetting conversations and names more and more. I realize I need to take over his life but ever so slowly, so I do not scare him. It is slowly, gradually until I am his Power of Attorney and looking for a home for him to move into. I put on brave face to my family and to the world. Most of the time, I am actually at peace. There are moments where I do break. I cannot carry this burden. I need to run away. But those moments pass. I begin again. I stay on my path. I seek support from my teacher, my uncle, my sister, my mother. I remember how grateful I am to be feel loved and to give love, a trait my father never got to experience in this way.
I will walk with this man on his way home. I will not abandon a soul in need. It is an honor for the opportunity to become stronger than the past experiences and step into a soul beyond my human emotions. I have so much more to learn. I will fall down again. But I will always get back up and look for beauty. I will always look for love. To give and receive.
