Recent visit to Shirdi 2024

After moving to the USA I disconnected with the need for worship for a long time so it was a welcomed change to feel the affiliation with Sri Sai Baba of Shird after seeing his picture for the first time four years ago. His picture reminded me of Christ and evoked a warm feeling of a connection with him as that of being with a dear friend.

After coming to Tiruvannamalai, India, for the first time, we ended up flying to Shirdi to pay homage to the place where Sri Sai spent his last 60 or so years.

It has become our tradition going back each year to visit Shirdi but I have noticed that each time it was less exciting for me to deal with the crowds, the guards and the restrictions to access the places where the Saint spent most of his time.

The resistance to go to Shirdi got to the point that I was missing the clear understanding of why these pilgrimages are needed.

On insistence of my husband and my feeling of debt to express the appreciation for Shri Sai’s presence in my life we flew to Shirdi recently.

During this visit I made the point to be more aware of the Presence that has been anchored by this beautiful human being without focusing too much on the statues, pictures, rituals and the crowds that are so prevalent there.

We visited our favorite places such as the Dwarkamai and the Neem Tree and were allowed to stay there without any interference from the guards for as long as we wished to. I found a great joy to be able to move freely (unlike two previous years) around the places of worship sitting together with other devotees clapping and listening to heartfelt singing around me during the Aarthi. Waiting and walking in the Q felt as being a part of the loudness and spontaneity of most Baba’s Devotes, and the long lines and crowded spaces where personal space is completely ignored.

Then it dawn on me that perhaps one of the reason we are always encouraged to visit Shirdi by our teacher Pal Pandian is to be part of this simplicity and animated heartfulness of devotion that in many ways differs from what I am used to in Tiruvannamalai, Sri Bhagavan’s place, which is our more permanent base.

They both have their own merit, but the colorful ingenuity of persistence to get the treasured paraphernalia like udi, prasad or fallen neem leaves around the Neem Tree stands out loudly in Shirdi.

I also learnt about myself observing others around me.

I have seen people using different methods to retrieve the neem leaves from the gated courtyard so fully absorbed in this process that they missed to see the fresh leaves that have fallen near by to be easily collected.

Devotees who were near the falling leaves got the Darshan, nevertheless the ones fully involved in retrieving the leaves on their own ended up with the precious gifts also.

I have experienced both scenarios were the leaf fell close by and another when the leaf was gifted and I have to say that getting the darshan as when leaf felt in front of me to be collected felt so much more uplifting than striving to get one by my own effort.

These simple incidents brought more understanding in my own inability to trust the flow of Grace, trying to figure out on my own what is that I am missing thus feeling stuck.

I gathered that the devotees determined to get the neem leaves do it in order to feel the connection with Grace and by retrieving the leaf on their own can claim that connection.

For me the inspiration came observing more effortless way where presence still was required but the focus was not on ‘getting’ but simply on enjoying being in the place, feeling the oneness with all that was around. This sensitivity was enough to observe the strong breeze foretelling the Darshan of neem leaves falling and being ready to receive it when the opening came.

But still it is not easy to let go of the notion that one’s doing can bring a more predictable outcome (using tools that worked for others). By letting go of wanting to possess and be open to new possibilities in perceiving a different presence that is less gross, I found it much more fulfilling and long lasting.

These observed incidences repeated many times during our stay in Shirdi and helped me to better understand why this pilgrimage to Shirdi was needed.

Sweet tears of gratitude are so freeing, so grateful for this guidance of the Saints.